only northern hemisphere kids will get this joke right now: winter
according to physics, nothing ever quite touches. when you lay your hand on something, there is a microscopic amount of space between the atoms of your hand and whatever you’re touching. so no, officer, technically i’m not jacking off right now
becoming older than 10 years old was the biggest mistake of my life
what did earth say to the other planets?
wow. you guys have no life.
oh my god
Have you ever sat with your friends and just known that you’re the least important friend in the group and you felt like it wouldn’t make a difference if you were there or not
People who pour milk into the bowl before they pour the cereal
Halloween tip / Breaking Bad Marathon serving idea